Barbaric Love: Help!My massage therapist fell in love with me

I’m a 35 year old straight woman living in the Midwest. I’ve met a massage therapist for three years and have become very close friends. I introduced my friend to him and helped him grow his business. He finally revealed to me that he had developed his emotions. I was shocked in a blink of an eye and said I didn’t understand, and I thought I was just growing up in friendship. He told me I had to tell him, and I wanted to leave it to me if I felt comfortable to keep seeing him. I was really numb from the shock and thought it was okay at first, but later I realized how upset and violated I was. I have never returned to him. I found out that he closed his practice during COVID. My question is whether he should be reported to his ethics committee. — Really upset by embarrassing erotic disclosure


This guy was initially your massage therapist, RUBBED, but eventually became a very close friend. I think you welcomed his friendship as this is one of the consensual friendships and the former massage therapist did not force you to do so. So you might get to know him in a unique professional setting, but you ended up with a kind of two-track relationship with him: he’s your massage therapist and yours I was also a friend. It’s not uncommon for friends to capture each other’s feelings, and it seems that your massage therapist captured your feelings in that position, his position as a friend.

Given that he made you emotional, I don’t know how he can avoid this disclosure. Indeed, keeping these feelings on yourself while continuing to look at you as a client or while dropping you as a client without explanation (explanation that you would have felt qualified as a friend) is Will constitute a breach of ethics.

“What he did was a borderline, but not unethical,” says the physiotherapist I shared your question with. “He brought up the fact that she can / should think she no longer sees him. It was to maintain boundaries and not be friends in the first place.”

The massage therapist I shared your email with said that your ex-massage therapist handled this in a manner trained to handle similar situations in the professional ethics course required to obtain his license. Tell me: Disclosure of expert relationships and discontinue.

Another massage therapist I spoke to thought that your ex-massage therapist had been guilty of ethical revocation. He introduced me to a code of conduct for professionals published by his association of professionals, the University of Massage Therapists in British Columbia. He felt that friendship was unethical. If your massage therapist did the right thing and kept your relationship strictly professional, he wouldn’t have captured the emotions for you as he did. And if he hadn’t captured the feelings for you like him, he wouldn’t have been in a position to disclose those feelings to you. Or put you in a position to listen to him and make that offensive disclosure.

I understand that I don’t want to see this massage therapist, RUBBED again, and I understand that I find it difficult. If I were in your position, how long, if any, by the moment a friend / massage therapist consciously noticed his romantic feelings towards me and he revealed those feelings. Has it passed? Feeling a little tired of our previous session. But while it’s unpleasant to think that a massage therapist feels his joy in your session, it’s always a risk. (It is always a risk for a friend like a friend to get a friend’s feelings.) We are professional massage therapists and rely on crushing the feelings of sexual attraction during the session. And no matter what they have to do outside the treatment room.

Some of the massage therapists I talked to felt you should report him, but the majority didn’t — and I’ll stick to my advice not to report him is. But you can make your own phone.

I am a healthy and active 72 year old man who found love for the second time. In fact, not only have I discovered the depth of love I have never known, but I am living the most active and satisfying sexual life I have ever known with my new companions. My question is this: During the lonely process of almost a year after my marriage, I happened to come across a writing about Tantric sexual practice and was fascinated by them. I started practicing to refrain from ejaculation. It’s a tantric practice that brings tremendous benefits. One of those benefits lies in the lasting desire for my partner and this lovely ham state of continuous sexual energy between us. However, after two years of practicing tax withholding semen, I now feel that it is almost impossible to come to the time of my choice. It’s as if my inner Tantric shaman took control. Great women in my life consistently have multiple orgasms, but only once every 7 or 8 times, and only when we have long, involved, and deeply connected sex sessions come. Releases are always great, but I want more control over orgasm. Do you have any suggestions? — Seeking direction

Men who practice orgasm denial, whether they are withholding their orgasm or being rejected by their dominant partner, often report the presence of permanent keratin in a pleasant and noisy state. .. Domes that lock their lover’s cock in a chastity belt (instead of refraining from climaxes and jackoffs) often report that their permanent horny partners are more careful. And while they are fascinating perks, I didn’t want to go to the orgasm refusal route myself. First and foremost, I enjoy coming too much to give it up. And soon, multiple studies have shown an association between frequent ejaculation and a reduced incidence of prostate cancer. Maybe at the age of 72 you aren’t worried about prostate cancer — seeing you never got it — but those who don’t want to risk prostate cancer are on the side of crushing those nuts You should make a mistake (this should not be confused, destroy those balls).

As for your problem, if withholding WAD, orgasm makes it difficult to have them when you want, well, you may want to stop withholding them. But given how much joy you get from withholding them-the topic, those magnificent orgasms when you come-perhaps unpredictable orgasms you are willing to pay It is a price to be paid. As you practice tantric sex, it’s possible that your age has caught up with you and your orgasm has become a bit unreliable. (For record: Tantra is a collection of traditions / wisdoms of almost 2,000 years ago that was born in India and is usually practiced by Hindus and Buddhists. Sex is part of Tantra, but the purpose of Tantra. Is not just sex.)

I’m new to your wonderful column. I have two questions: 1. Would you like to personally reply to each email you receive? Or do you only answer column inquiries? (I sent an email this morning, but I haven’t received a reply yet.) 2. Can I get email updates every day because I want to read the column every day? — The response was requested very permanently

1. It is not possible to reply to all received emails. There are too many of them and I’m the only one. And I’m a progressive person who feels sick about everything, but I don’t feel that bad about this. Because after hearing from many people who said that only the act of writing a letter to me was helpful, putting their problem in an email helped them. And since my advice was heard from as many people as terrible, RSVP, I long ago concluded that the people I didn’t respond to were the ones I helped most.

2. There is a new website — in the favor of young people at risk who are tech savvy — a new weekly email newsletter with links to new and old columns, my weekly podcast, an event where you can sign up for the next book Such. The new column comes out only once a week, but RSVP has plenty of old columns in the archive and I can read new columns every day for the rest of my life.

question? mail@savagelove.net. Follow Dan on Twitter @ FakeDanSavage or savagelovecast.com.

Barbaric Love: Help!My massage therapist fell in love with me

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