I am a man of many words. Unfortunately, when I use them in writing, most of them are incomprehensible. And the rest cannot be repeated in a polite company.
This may explain why I’m poor at word games, even though I’m a brilliant writer who isn’t qualified to do anything else. The same is not true for his wife Sue (an assistant to a retired teacher) and his son-in-law Guillaume, a scientist whose mother tongue is not English.
Still, it didn’t stop me from signing up for the ultimate word game “Wheel of Fortune”.
Whenever Pat Sajak hosts and Vanna White turns a letter and looks at the program, she solves a significant portion of the puzzle, unless it belongs to a category like “What are you doing?” I will. (“I’m watching the show-what do you think I’m doing?” Is by no means the correct answer) or its equally difficult twins, “What are you wearing?” (“Nothing” is always wrong and can lead to legal issues.)
But when looking at the “Wheel of Fortunae” with Sue and Guillaume, the only thing I know for sure is that if I were actually turning the wheel with them, I would never beat Fortune. Is not.
Therefore, I don’t want the contestants to apply. In fact, they are so good at word games that they hit me on a daily basis with “Scrabble”. I lost to my daughters Katie and Lauren when I was in elementary school, and Sue’s late grandmother at the time. She was still alive and gave her an unfair advantage.
What I’m really confused about is “7 Little Words” in the daily newspaper.
The procedure is as follows: “Find 7 words that match the 7 clues. The numbers in parentheses represent the number of letters in each solution. Each letter combination can only be used once, but to complete the puzzle, all letters You will need a combination. ”
One clue was “annual delphinium relatives.” It was 8 characters.
Answer (I would never have obtained): “Larkspur”.
“I like playing this game because it keeps my heart sharp,” Sue told me.
If she is confused, she asks Alexa.
“It’s a deception,” I said many times.
“You cheat Scrabble,” Sue replied, too kind again to say that it doesn’t help me at all. I am grateful that she also did not mention her grandmother.
If there is a Guillaume (a talent I admire very much) who was born in France and can make puns in two languages, Sue asks him for help. If he isn’t and Alex is also confused, Sue calls him with the particularly nasty clues that Guillaume always gets.
Needless to say, my beloved wife is rarely desperate enough to ask me for help. And if she is, I always-you guessed it-have no clue.
Still, I’m confident in my chance to ride the “Wheel of Fortune”. To apply, go to the website and fill out the form with basic information such as your name (looked up with your driver’s license) and address (same as above). Then I uploaded my photo (hope it doesn’t scare Vanna).
I also recorded a short video explaining why I should be a contestant.
“This is your chance to fascinate us!” It said in the instructions. “Be sure to follow these tips when making videos.”
Here are some of the tips:
Don’t look like you’ve just rolled out of bed.
Please do not hang out.
After attending the show, bring Sue and Guillaume for moral support. We may make loose changes in case you want to buy vowels. I hope Pat doesn’t ask me what I’m wearing.
Jerry Zezima is the author of the Tribune News Service humor column and the author of five books. Email: JerryZ111@optonline.net. Blog: jerryzezima.blogspot.com.
Jerry Zejima: Big circle, keep playing
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